Tuesday, February 14, 2017

JUKEBOX & REVIEW: 50SHADESDARKER


Oops, awkward blog gap! Past week has been crazy! On Monday, Kim Phi forced me to watch Fifty Shades of Grey in advance of going to the movie theatre to see Fifty Shades Darker on Wednesday. It was certainly much less awful than I had imagined after reading the first chapter of the book, which I had quickly labeled as the worst book ever written in human history. I had expected Anastasia Steele to be a lot easier seduced by Christian Grey, but she appeared to be a lot more hard-to-get, even though it was just pretend. Relief! She wasn’t just a shallow-brained, love-blinded body without a free will! Even though the film did not have much more depth underneath the bizarre, sexual relationship between Anastasia and Christian, I felt much more confident about watching Fifty Shades Darker two days later.

On Wednesday, me and my year club went to the Ladies Night at Pathé, where Fifty Shades Darker was being shown for girls only. The guy at the movie theater made sure to check all our IDs, even though some of us haven’t been under aged for five years. At least at Pathé they really know what a girl wants: some shirtless, muscular dudes handing out champagne, a feel good romantic movie, and a goodie bag filled with a shitload of food and free stuff. Certainly worth the money we had to pay extra for this exclusive night. Naturally, it was the goodie bag that we came for, but we were so ready for a fun girls’ night filled with awkward giggling and drooling in a desperate need of a Mr. Perfect putting us over his shoulder.

First thing that crossed my mind while watching Fifty Shades Darker was: What happened to Christian Grey? He certainly looked hotter with the stubble all over his face, but then again he looked freaking human, too! In part one he seemed so mysterious, so impenetrable – and look at him now! Christian Grey is no more mysterious than any other man, and a man he is indeed – an actual living and breathing human being! A human being with as many flaws as a common human being may possess, flaws in the form of psychological problems and strange habits. It seems that these form the basis of Christian’s love for whips and nipple clamps. I had always imagined Christian to be almost robotic, abstruse and a freak, now he seems more and more simply a freak and nothing else. He only remains secretive when it comes to his past, which is the exact thing for which we came to learn more about. It seemed as if Fifty Shades Darker attempted to create more depth in the story, but they failed, as if there is simply no more depth than we get here. I had hoped for some more layers in Christian’s character, but he appears to be just as shallow as we had feared for.

Love came with Christian’s new found humanity. In some brain-crushing thinking, Christian has discovered that Anastasia may mean more to him than a simple sex toy. The man who once claimed to be heartless, has suddenly become a true Prince Charming. Who could have thought that Christian Grey would ever be able to change into a Nicholas Sparks-ish character? How sweet. Anastasia has touched his heart and it will never beat the same again. She couldn’t care less about his demanding behavior. Oh, dear. Will she ever learn? She seems just as quasi hard-to-get as in Fifty Shades of Grey. Mesmerized. Not as if she could complain – she gets to live in Christian’s super-de-luxe penthouse (of course he’s a billionaire, how else would he be able to talk girls into having a sex-only SM-relationship with him? I strongly doubt if Anastasia would have agreed with Christian’s SM-wishes if he had not been able to invest in a real ‘play room’), doesn’t get very upset when one of Christian’s ex-gf’s vandalizes her brand new car as she knows Christian will get her another one anyways, and in between business she gets laid all the time.

The main criticism on Fifty Shades of Grey was that the sex scenes were quite disappointing. It doesn’t even deserve to be called SM, let alone porn. In Fifty Shades Darker it’s even worse. All we get is a single spank for Anastasia. So fucking decent! This is just simple garden variety sex. No, it’s even more boring than that, because we don’t get to see any genitals at all. Sure, it’s quite romantic, but no Fifty Shades Darker-spectator watches the film for some mainstream romance. At the beginning of every sex scene, random modern music starts to play, making it appear an awful lot like your average rom-com. Only the more-than-average amount of nipples and pubic hair appearing on screen for a split-second reveals that it’s really an ‘erotic drama’ that we’re watching. At least more-than-average in American terms – for Dutch moviemakers the horny scenes in Fifty Shades Darker are just pathetic.

Fifty Shades Darker left me a lot of questions. It couldn’t manage to dig underneath the shallowness. We hardly got any new information on Christian’s past, and I feel like they spent too much time on romance and too little on plot-critical elements. Well, at least now they know for sure that part three will generate them a lot of cash. The only somewhat exciting element of the story, in which Christian’s ex-gf shows up, is quickly rushed through, as if the filmmakers wanted to save more movie time for romantic scenes. Those scenes were too unrealistic and too goody-goody. But at least they wet us, even though only at our cheeks. The same cannot be said for the sex scenes. However, Fifty Shades Darker is entertaining in a strange way that I cannot comprehend. At least make sure you watch it with the lowest possible expectations.

Here are some tracks, to get you in da Fifty Shades Darker mooooooood:

After watching this film, we knew for sure: Pathé’s Ladies Night is da bomb! We’re planning on going again soon. It’s just so much fun with all da girls! When we got back in our city Nijmegen, we went to the sorority/fraternity building. I intended to stay for a little while, but ended up going home early in the morning. The following day I slept in, before meeting up with Kim Phi for some outfit shootings in the cold. That night my friend Freya came over to catch up on things.

On Friday, I went to the Kunsthal Museum in Rotterdam with my mom, to see the Peter Lindbergh exhibition and grab a bite at a nice lunch place somewhere nearby. Will share more about both soon! That night I got to take pictures at a college formal dance, and even though I did not expect it, I had a lot of fun! Music was great, people were too, and it got me thinking that students from the University of Applied Science party harder than students from the academic University!

On Saturday, my mom and I woke up soooo freaking early to go to the Harry Potter exhibition in Utrecht. It is a traveling exhibition showing a lot of the costumes and objects used in the Harry Potter films. We went to the Harry Potter studios in London some years ago, so we had already seen most of the stuff before, but the true reason we went was that Oliver and James Phelps, a.k.a. Fred and George Weasley, were opening the exhibition that day! We had tickets to enter around noon, but we arrived at nine to see the twins, hoping we would be able to get near them….and we did!! We managed to get autographs from both the actors and I took a selfie with both Oliver and James! Mission succeeded! May write more about the expo and the whole experience another time.

Some exciting week that was! I ended it quietly by babysitting on Saturday night, and hanging out with Janne on Sunday. I was so tired and went to bed early, as this week was going to be just as busy….Hope to have some more time to spent on blogging this upcoming weekend!


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2 comments:

  1. Fifty shades darker kon me ook niet heel gelukkig maken, deel 3 laat ik dan ook maar aan me voorbij gaan. Liefs.x

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